I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
