I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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