are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
