Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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