I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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