Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
