Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
