Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
