Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
