Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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