The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
