dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
