Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
