Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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