I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Randomize
