so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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