which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
