New invention idea: vibrating tampons
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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