i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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