that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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