yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
