i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
