somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
