dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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