I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
