i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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