I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
