We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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