I must be too annoying 4 u.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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