Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
