just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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