I smell stomach acid.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
