At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
