i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
