i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
