Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.