My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay