Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.