Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
