she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
