It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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