My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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