Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
