matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
