My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
do herpes really smell.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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