I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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