Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
