Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
