The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
