i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
