I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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