literally had 100 drinks last night.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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