Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
