He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
