Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
