she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sobbing to NWA
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
