The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
