Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
