If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
