you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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