RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
