Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
