8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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