the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
