My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My breasts were aching with rage.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
