He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
