If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
