Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
