guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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