Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
