i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
