if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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