can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I deserve this hangover.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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