Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
