It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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