don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
