He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
